Cloverfield.

Summary - A group of friends throw a party for Rob, who is leaving New York to go and work in Japan. As the party progresses, however, violent shakes and explosions herald the arrival of an unknown creature, which begins its rampage by throwing the head of the Statue of Liberty down into a street. Told from the viewfinder of their video camera, Cloverfield shows how Rob and his friends venture deep into the streets of New York, determined to rescue Rob's true love from her destroyed apartment building in midtown.

Review - This film was a unique experience to say the least. A unique experience I'm not sure I have quite recovered from. It was uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable in the way a chair at secondary school is uncomfortable. Or even how uncomfortable watching Spike Milligan interviews circa mid to late 90s are. Watching this film is similar to what I imagine the experience of someone moving your eyes with their own index fingers would be. It was awful. I felt like someone in winkelpickers was lightly pelting me in the retinas for 82 minutes. And I am pretty certain this is one of the many reasons this film was only 82 minutes long. Obvious examples of similar viewing experiences to this one would be the BLAIR WITCH PROJECT or ROSS KEMP : RETURN TO AFGHANISTAN, and at least one of these has the pay off for the feelings of RSI and motion sickness that Grant Mitchell could get shot in the face.

For me the story was flawed from the start. Post military jargon, the film starts with the scene of fantastically attractive girl being filmed by boy, there is flirting, joy, post-the -sexual-clinch banter the whole hog. This brings up the ultimate quandry about boys with video cameras. For the male to get away with carrying a video camera with them all the time you need to fill one of two categories, you either need to excessively cool(we are talking fringes, would list films by directors, listen freak-folk and your camera that you weild about would have to film on some kind of redundant format like super 8 (to be officially cool enough I'm ninety per cent sure you would have an argument as to why super 8 cinematography is not a redundant medium)) or you have to be so inordinately attractive that you dont care that they have a camera(Though these people would be quite jocky(not horse based) and you would have to worry about what would happen to the resulting video tape). It's hard enough being that guy who always has a camera with them. And unfortunately this is not the case for our protagonist Rob, he is unfortunately not cool nor is he anywhere near attractive enough for his conquest Beth. Throw in the fact i spent quite a lot of this film going "Wow he's short", "I wonder how short he is?" "I bet I could throw him pretty far" then the chance of them hooking up is as unlikely as a big fuck off monster lopping the Statue of Liberty's head off.

More to the point I think the film has a good premise, but that's maybe it. It is a good idea, but I just dont think it was done justice. And I think the fact it is 82 minutes long is a strong reflection that something was missing. Good ideas in the wrong hands can often result in a waste, like pop tarts, pop tarts were and still are a brilliant idea, put them in the hands of an idiot, you get burnt mouths and a special on BBC's Watchdog. I dont know how cloverfield could have been done better, I'm not paid to come up with better movie ideas, I go through regular periods of times when I'm not paid to do anything, I just felt let down and with pains in my eyes. One of those I could have taken.

Plus points, men did get the opportunity to see what it was like for women to see Bruce Willis run around in a vest which continues to get in poorer and poorer condition through the character Marlena, and me personally, I liked it(On a side note I'd never thought it would ever be possible to fancy the goth in MEAN GIRLS but lifes mental like that, full of curve balls). The moron with the video camera was quite likeable, more likeable when it turned out we had the same taste in women. And in general the film wasnt shit, it was short and enjoyable, though painful physically. If I were to watch it again, I would hope for a large TV some sealegs and some paracetemol, but I would happily sit through it.

x!